Archive for November, 2009

November 18th, 2009

a little note to the still single

Picking your nose in a public area (like at the computer next to me) greatly decreases your chances of securing a date for this weekend, or ever. FYI.

Oh, and it sounds like there is a giant toilet being flushed above me. No one else looks at all concerned, but I’m wondering if I should relocate.

SPY UPDATE: The full-time custodian at the library followed me back from the printer and walked up to the window by the computer I’m using and hid two pens, lime green and royal blue, behind the curtain and walked away. He’s a spy.

November 16th, 2009

technology

This is my first post written and published from my iPod. I’m sure there are more to come.

I will add a random picture from my iPod.

If I can figure it out, that is.

Look! It’s a picture of us on New Year’s! And I did it all by myself.

November 14th, 2009

a series of questionable events

It all began in June.

I received an exclusive offer for Sunset Magazine. They were offering me a deal for 83% off their usual cover price; a one year subscription for only $10. The catch? It was a senior citizen offer. I thought it was funny that I was getting senior citizen offers. (I kept the offer, and I’ve been using it as my bookmark ever since.)

A few months later I received an exclusive life insurance offer. I threw it away and didn’t think much of it. Another one came, again I threw it away.

Today, I received another life insurance offer. A “Lifeplan 50+” offer (for people over the age of 50). This is the kind letter they wrote me:

Dear Ashley, (they even put my name in)

If this were a number of years ago when you were age 30 (I’m not even 30 yet, let alone “a number of years ago”), I wouldn’t be writing you with the same sense of urgency. But the fact is…

Back at age 30, you could expect to qualify for all the life insurance you wanted. It was almost automatic. All that may have changed now. That’s because… (again with the weird ellipsis thing)

Along with age may come greater risk of a disqualifying health problem. Cost alone could rob you of your ability to protect your loved ones in the years ahead (I have a feeling that a few of the “loved ones” they’re referring to, aren’t born yet). Ashley….

If you have any catching up to do in order to provide adequate coverage for today’s higher final expenses and your family’s security, it’s best not to wait. Before long, you could even find yourself totally locked out of additional life insurance due to price or a health issue. Apply now for LIFEPLAN 50+ from (the name)(yet another unnecessary ellipsis) the affordable life insurance for people age 50 and over.”

Then they list “five reasons why LIFEPLAN 50+ is the right choice for people age 50 and over.” It’s really sweet…

The thing is…I don’t turn 50 for…another…28 years or so…

I don’t…know what I did…to make people think I’m a lot older t than I am…I only have one wrinkle…over my judging right brow…

They have my name, they spell it right (which is the hard part), all the offers are from different companies/organizations, and they all think I should be concerned about my age… Hmmmm I wonder what’s going on…

I think I need to do some research to see what my social security number has been doing without me…

November 14th, 2009

two armenians in a hot tub in reno

[sigh]

Why doesn’t control/command z work on everything? Wouldn’t that make things so much easier?

Whoops, I dropped the bowl, command z. Whoops, I closed the wrong internet tab and now I can’t get back to it because I was mindlessly surfing the internet, command z. Blast, I just said something really unintelligent, command z. Oh, bumper sticker, I just rammed my car into the red car behind me (we saw someone do that the other day), command z.

Speaking of bumper stickers, I was behind a very nice Jaguar yesterday and it had a hideous bumper sticker on the back. I would like to think that if I had enough money to afford a luxury vehicle, I would have enough sense not to degrade it by putting an ugly, permanent bumper sticker in a silly place on the back.

command z

[sigh]

November 12th, 2009

are you there universe? it’s me, ashley.

I was sitting in my class and all at once I realized what a teensy, tiny part of the world I am; how little affected the universe would be if I never existed. It’s not that I feel bad or good about it, it just is.

I sat in class with my head resting on my hand feeling infinitesimally small and irrelevant, trying to figure out what I was going to do about it.

Nothing.

I live in a world of sound effects and happily-ever-afters. A world where all my dreams can still come true. A world where fictional characters who were written a hundred years ago still make me cry. I live in a world of spur-of-the-moment theme songs and giggles.

I would like to inform the rest of the universe, that I don’t care if I make any difference to them. I’m gloriously happy with the little life I lead, where the small things thrill me deeply.

More spies to add to my list: the young man walking across campus yesterday with cyclops eyes and our neighbors. They keep strange hours, have too many friends, and we heard an odd alarm go off in their apartment yesterday. They’re spies.

November 11th, 2009

covert ops

The fire alarm is going off in the library right now. I’m in the library. I realize that fire alarms are here to keep us safe, but this is the fourth time this semester that the fire alarm has gone off at the library while I was inside. Fourth. Fire alarms are becoming a lot like car alarms. No one actually thinks a car is being stolen or broken into when they hear a car alarm, they just get annoyed. I don’t actually think there’s a fire, but I’ll go stand outside in the cold anyway (mostly because library personnel is making me). I guess I could go hide in the bathroom…

UPDATE: Over the last few days, I’ve seen some suspicious behavior leading me to develop a theory: we’re surrounded by spies.

My evidence: While I was standing outside in the cold with everyone else who was in the library, I noticed a school security officer talking into his walkie-talkie strapped to his shoulder and runing into the library basement, chased by a man dressed in all grey. Obviously the security officer is just a security officer, but who is the guy dressed in all grey? Clearly, he’s the spy who caused the fire alarm crisis (I think he’s actually the head custodian, but work with me).

This morning on our way to campus, Matt saw a man out in a field look around to make sure no one was looking (Matt was), and tip over a bucket with nasty green stuff inside. Maybe he’s a spy trying to live undercover in suberbia (in my favorite house on the block, no less).

On Wednesday, while Matt and I were waiting in the hall for our class to start, a young man who is running in the student election walked up to his own poster, looked around to see if anyone was watching (you bet Iwas), lifted up the poster, and took something that was hidden behind it. Clearly he’s a spy running in the election hoping to thwart the all-powerful student governement.

November 10th, 2009

in case you didn’t notice

I changed my background. I guess technically, it’s called a “theme.” Whatever you want to call it, I changed it. I’m exploring different looks and colors. Expect more changes to come. Basically, I’m writing this post to watch it appear and to avoid doing my homework.

November 7th, 2009

256 days ago

I took these pictures in Seattle and they are still on my camera. I have no idea why I took some of them. Enjoy.

none of this is mine

a wall

I wonder how that got there...

no idea

These pictures have been on my camera for 961 days (2 years, 7 months, and 16 days):

the ladybug

the ladybug again

961 days ago I was a second-semester freshman in college. I was engaged to Matt (yikes, I was young). It was a sunny March day. I was talking on the phone to Matt when I took the picture of the ladybug on the flower. I killed the flower in order to get the picture. I took the ladybug pictures for my photography class. I carried the ladybug with me for 3 days taking pictures of it. I kept the ladybug until the end of the semester when it finally died.

My, how time flies.

November 7th, 2009

supreme excitement

Last night Matt and I went to the student gallery opening for the art department on campus. The general idea, as I understand it, is that students submit their work to a panel of teachers who decide which pieces will be showcased in the gallery for all to see and admire. I wasn’t planning on attending since I didn’t know of it’s existence, but when I found out that it did exist, I wanted to go because I like art.

Anyway, to the exciting part. Remember this one time when I modeled for an art class? Well, I found out just before walking into the gallery that pictures of me were chosen to be displayed.

This excited/excites me greatly. I know it wasn’t because of my talent as a model that got the picture displayed, but there is something exciting about pictures of you being displayed in an art gallery. It makes me feel like I have a shot at a modeling career.

trying to re-create the "Othello" pose

One of the drawings chosen for the gallery was drawn by the troubled artist who threatened to stab me in the eye. I found it ironic that he titled his drawing Othello. His drawing of me also won third place in the division. Go me (yes, I’m taking partial credit).

I liked the other drawing more personally (because I look less like a monkey), but it didn’t win anything so I guess it shows how much I actually know about art.

I’m going to tell everyone that I’m in the gallery out of some sort of misplaced pride I feel in seeing my face hanging on the wall. It makes me feel famous and beautiful.

Another exciting thing about the gallery is that I discovered several pieces done by students I know, particularly one by Emily. I got all excited seeing her illustration on the wall because I had seen the process she went through when illustrating it. This also made me feel famous.

PRESENTLY: Right this second I’m sitting next to someone in the computer lab whom I detest. I’m glad I look relatively cute today. I like looking good in the presence of people I detest.

This is quite possibly the most vain and prideful thing I’ve ever written. I’m going to have to find a sick animal to care for or something to make up for it.

November 5th, 2009

navigationally challenged

I’ve lived in Rexburg for almost four years now. I should know my way around, but I don’t. I know all of the streets I always take, but whenever I pull onto a street I’m not familiar with, I’m immediately lost. It’s sad and rather pathetic because Rexburg isn’t big, but still true.

Case in point: A road that I take on a very regular basis has been closed for construction. The construction doesn’t interfere with my driving on most days since Matt usually drives when we need to go that way. The last two days I’ve had to pick up Matt from his office, and I’ve taken the most ridiculous routes both times.

The route I’m supposed to take:

the right way

The route I took the other day:

another wrong way

The route I took this afternoon:

the way I went

I don’t know how I’m going to find my way around whenever we move from Rexburg to a new city.