Archive for March, 2010

March 24th, 2010

impersonate a graduate day

Today is my favorite day of every semester.

At the end of every semester the bookstore sets up booths with stuff for the soon-to-be graduates. They have tables with caps, gowns, alumni stuff, and POPCORN.

Popcorn is my absolute favorite snack (and apples).

I discovered about three seemsters ago that I can float through all the booths and tables straight to the popcorn and float right back out without anyone noticing my existence.

Today they had little cups with lemonade too.

I wasn’t planning on going to the bookstore today, but I took the Jergens lotion out of my backpack a few days ago and my hands were really dry. When I don’t have lotion in my backpack, I go to the bookstore and use a squirt of ¬†one of the lotion Testors. Today’s flavor was Bamboo.

Next semester, I’ll be a legitimate soon-to-be graduate.

March 22nd, 2010

in honor of the weather

I’m having a mug of hot chocolate and marshmallows. I don’t really care for the marshmallows, but I don’t have the energy to pick all of them out.

It’s snowing a flurry of jumbo Christmas flakes right now. Apparently springtime went somewhere far, far away from here. Rather than take the energy to complain about it, I’m just going to tell myself they’re pretty flakes and enjoy my hot chocolate.

I think my mom just sent me a picture with her phone. She did. This is a monumental moment right up there with men landing on the moon.

March 18th, 2010

shhh, don’t tell anyone

[Whispering] Spring is sneaking up on Rexburg, don’t tell anyone or it might sneak away again.

My phone found flowers on campus, blooming in the sunlight.

March 15th, 2010

the night is very dark because it is cloudy

Quite some time ago I installed Spanish learning software on my computer with the vain hopes of picking up a few Spanish words and phrases. The program includes a screen saver for your computer that flashes Spanish phrases at you and then tells you what they mean in English. One would think that these phrases would be important Spanish phrases to learn, like directions. But no, they’re completely random.

Here are a few of my favorites:

  • “He walked to the market with his brother.”
  • “She is looking for her two sisters.”
  • “Jose talks much more than I do.” (No matter whose name I substitute, when would this be important to say?)
  • “The Amazon River is long and deep.”
  • “The night is very dark because it is cloudy.”
  • “Today is October fourteenth.” (That would be helpful one day every year.)
  • “You finish reading the poem.”
  • “You listen to the dog barking.”

The contents of my backpack: An inventory

  • A box of 64 Crayola crayons
  • An old vitamin bottle with raisins in it
  • A baggie with M&Ms in it (5 orange, 4 brown, 3 blue, 1 yellow, 1 red, 1 green)
  • A baggie with 2 varieties of Goldfish Crackers (Parmesan and Soda)
  • 2 ounces of light citrus hand sanitizer (with moisturizers)
  • 58 cents (4 dimes, 2 nickels, 8 pennies)
  • A folded Wal-Mart grocery bag (with blue logo)
  • A white and red racecar (#5)
  • Silly Putty
  • Cherry Chapstick
  • 1.5 ounces Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion
  • A silver bell
  • 2 pencils (1 purple, 1 black)
  • 4 black Pilot Extra Fine pens
  • 1 red Pilot Extra Fine pen
  • An iPod Touch
  • As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
  • The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
  • Great American Short Stories edited by Paul Negri
  • 101 Great American Poems compiled by The American Poetry & Literacy Project
  • A red spiral notebook containing this semester’s notes

I wonder if a stranger were to go through my backpack, if they would think it was the backpack of an elementary school student. Well, hopefully the last six items aren’t quite as elementary, especially William Faulkner. William Faulkner is NOT elementary reading.

March 11th, 2010

just…you know, nothing


  • When I get bored in class (so, often) I write the alphabet backwards. Not just ZYX etc., but I write it in reverse order with backwards letters too. I’m getting pretty good at it. When I’m done writing it, I flip my paper over and squint and it looks like I just wrote it normally. The classmates who sit near me must think I’m insane. I think I might up the difficulty and write the alphabet in reverse order, with backward letters, left handed. Yes, I see that this is a completely worthless activity, but…I do it anyway and enjoy it.
  • I have spent time (exactly how much time I am too embarrassed to share) on an adoption website reading the profiles of different couples and deciding who, if I had a child to give up for adoption, I would choose. I think this activity is even more of a waste of time than the first.
  • I really want a portable drinking fountain. I know what you’re thinking, “Duh Ashley, it’s called a water bottle.” But, no, water bottles aren’t the same as drinking fountains. I want something that will spray cold water at my face at the push of a button. One that my germs won’t have to fight other germs to occupy. One that I can just carry with me for all the times I get so thirsty and just want a spritz of projectile water. I even want it to make the humming sound after I drink a lot.
  • I like to press all the buttons on my phone with my thumbs. I like the way they feel when they’re being smooshed, and I like the way it sounds.

And a picture to wrap things up:

March 4th, 2010

just because

When you’re falling asleep, do you scare yourself when you move your hand or something? I do too, and then I feel really dumb. I did it twice today, and one of the times, I wasn’t even falling asleep.

I finally made the waffles. They didn’t look like the picture though, because I used a different recipe and our waffle iron is round. Still satisfying. Oh, and I’m not angry anymore, just tired; the “sleeping more” bit really backfired.

I should be studying for a test I have tomorrow, but clearly I have better things to do right now.

In class on Tuesday, I passed an anonymous note to a girl informing her that her pants were unzipped. I was proud of myself because I don’t particularly like this girl, but even I’m not mean enough to let her go through a whole day with unzipped pants. I felt my heart grow just a little bit.

I’m in the library computer lab on campus. Right now, as I type, there is a very elderly man walking up and down the aisle¬† between the computers. Back and forth he goes. I wonder what he’s doing. He just went to ask a library aid for help. [Waiting to find out what he needs help with...] Oh, poor guy didn’t know how to respond to an email. That’s rough.

March 1st, 2010

Dear Mr. Downstairs Neighbor,

I understand the boredom of being home sick and alone, but please change your music playlist back to what you were listening to on Saturday. Today’s choice is getting annoying now that we’ve listened to it for THREE hours, over and over again. Oh, and please let a song play all the way through. Just one. Please.

Since we’re talking, maybe we could discuss your daughter’s tantrums. I’m not sure if you’re aware or not, but birds in Mexico fly for cover when she starts her shrill screaming. While you can just turn your TV or music up louder to mask the noise, we’re going crazy upstairs. Just…FYI.

Also, could you please enunciate when you’re arguing with Mrs. Downstairs Neighbor? Since I have to listen to you argue, I’d like to know whose side I’m on.

I’ll try not to drop as many things on the floor or jump around as much.

—-Mrs. Upstairs Neighbor

PS Have you gone to see a doctor about that cough? And, you have a girly ringtone.