In 2013 I went on a very private journey by myself, in search of “myself.” I didn’t really talk to anyone about it or my progress or discoveries. My whole focus was being “true” to me, my true personality and canning the rest; the bulk that was filling in my life and weighing me down.
I discovered that I had lost a lot of my “happy” me and filled in with a “grown up” me. I get treated like a child on a regular basis; I look young and my upbeatness translates to youth. It drove me nuts, so I tried to act more “grown up” and do more “grown up” things.
I discovered that I need to write more. It’s my outlet and my talent, and I completely agree with this article and many others on the benefits of writing.
I discovered that my life lacked color; monochromatic clothes and no accessories. I’ve pushed myself to wear things I’m immediately drawn to because of color and then I don’t talk myself out of it because it might not be a “grown up” color.
I admitted and gave in to my life-long interest for makeup, hair, clothes. For reasons too unimportant to write about, I’d always been embarrassed to be a “girly-girl.”
I tried new things and got rid of a lot of excess (both emotional and material).
I pushed myself to be more open and honest.
I discovered that in my effort to become more of an adult I had given myself an anxiety disorder. I’m pretty sure I have mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or something very similar. I’ve done a lot of reading.
I learned to more fully share my feelings with others.
I identified a need to spend time alone. Some morning alone time does a lot for my patience and the pent-up anxiety I was just talking about.
I discovered that I had stopped doing a lot of the things that made me, “me.” Enough of that.
Now for 2014. My focus for the coming year is “grow.” Rather than grow up (I’m too short anyway), I’m just going to tune and expand. I’m going to read more, write more (you know, like on my blog), break bad habits and form better routines. It’s going to be a good year people. It is. About the time I’m sure I’ll breakdown because of the limbo and uncertainty we’re living right now, I’m filled with an overwhelming amount of peace and a feeling of excited anticipation. Something great is just around the corner and I’m going to face it as the best me I’ve ever been.